Self Introspection

Few days back I was doing self-introspection. That,who am i ? Why am i like this? It appears these questions are wrong. Any question which starts with "why" is more difficult to answer. "Why" makes the question more difficult. Why does 1 plus 1 makes 2. This is impossible to answer in totality. In fact, you can't answer even a single question with totality. I was trying to analyze Newton's laws. I did analyze to some extent. But, after that you never know what's happening. It goes to quantum level and after that other types of problems starts arising. Unknown factors became so huge that I stopped analyzing. Analyze, anything in totality and it will reach to Brahman level. I concluded that somehow Brahman is not allowing these electrons to disintegrate. What is the cause which makes these electrons stable? Why doesn't it simply disappears? There is definitely some unknown force operating inside electrons, inside quarks which is holding it's existence. That force is causing the whole of the universe to remain existent. From where does that force come. It comes from Brahman. Brahman is attribute less. How does Brahman know that it has to keep the electron stable? Why such a complex system is working flawlessly. How does electron know that it doesn't has to disintegrate? There must be some consciousness operating among these electrons. I am amazed, the way the universe is functioning. How does universe know that it has to survive? Everything seems so stable. There must be some super-consciousness operating in the core of the universe which is not allowing these atoms or electrons to disintegrate. But what is the purpose of that super-consciousness behind it? But Brahman is unexpressed. And the universe is expressed. So how does this transition from unexpressed to expressed happens. Unexpressed cannot express anything because it's unexpressed. Then how can expressed come into picture? Brahman cannot create anything expressed. There is no desire left in Brahman to create anything. Brahman is unperturbed state. To create something we need perturbation. Unperturbed thing cannot create anything. Unperturbed cannot be perturbed. If in the beginning everything was unperturbed then perturbed will never exist. And perturbed cannot come out of unperturbed. So, definitely perturbed existed since very beginning. From day 1 perturbed exists. Otherwise, there is no possibility of any kind of perturbations to come into existence. Then, what is the cause of the very first perturbations? I don't know. The more you think it gets more complicated. The brain has it's own limitation to handle complexity. However, there are ways to tackle it. Do not solve the problem. Accept the problem. The moment you accept the problem, problem dissolves. Then you don't need to worry about the very first perturbation of the universe. Or handle it in taciturn way. Taciturn is the best answer to all the problems. Society, never worried about totality. Never. Society has always worried about partiality. This is where whole of the problem comes. Partiality imparts problems. Partiality means problem. Totality means solution.

Coming back to the main topic. Lol. I was doing self-introspection. That why am I like this? Like writing post on the subjects which more than 99.999% of humanity will not understand. Writing blogs on the love. The one reason I could find that love was the missing factor in my childhood. If you are not being loved, you will write about love. You will express it in some manner. If you are being loved, you will never write about it. In my childhood I was so engrossed into study that I never gave a damn about love. I was a guy with tens and hundreds of books packed in a closed room. Study became so important I forgot love. My mind, my intelligence everything grew but my heart couldn't grow. Apart from that I don't have sisters. So all those teasing part I missed. So, somewhere deep down in my self the teasing part is still indwelling inside. That is one reason I like teasing girls, which they don't want probably. Due to this, I developed bad relationship with couple of girls. I apologies to everyone whosoever felt bad by my teasing.